Jonathan R. Bell – 50th Reunion Essay

Jonathan R. Bell

99 Jane Street

Apt. #10C

New York, NY 10014

bell4jon@gmail.com

917-280-6919

Spouse(s): Nancy Hall (1969-85), Catherine Janow (1989)

Child(ren): Gabriel (1975), Nicholas (1977)

Education: Yale College BA 1969, Harvard Law School JD 1973

Career: Trusts & Estates Partner at Debevoise & Plimpton 1984-1993; Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison 1993-2001; Duane Morris 2002-2007; Stern Tannenbaum & Bell 2007-present

Avocations: Board of Directors, New York City Ballet 1995-2007

College: Morse

This brief memoir doesn’t have an altogether happy ending, but it may perhaps say something about how I believe I’m becoming a better human being in my advancing years.

I did (mostly) the usual, expected stuff after graduation: got married; taught high school to avoid the draft; went to law school; took a job in a Boston law firm; had son #1; accepted a (totally unexpected) job offer at a big, prestigious law firm in NYC; had son #2; made partner; got divorced; met (totally unexpectedly) a woman I’d briefly dated 15 years earlier; lived with, married, and deeply loved my years with her and was lucky to have the means to travel, join arts organizations, and live comfortably in NYC and Sag Harbor; changed large NYC law firms a couple of times and recently helped found a much smaller one.

Unsurprising, even boring, thus far, I’d say.

Thereafter, however, came years of the nonboring and the unexpected: emotional pain and now recently, perhaps partial redemption. Tragically, at age 55, my beloved, beautiful, brilliant, vivacious wife began to show signs of serious cognitive deterioration. The nature of her condition prevented her from acknowledging it. She was eventually diagnosed with behavioral variant frontotemporal degeneration (bvFTD), but not for another 10 years. That period was full of heartache and terribly antisocial behavior for her, and (in the midst of constant caregiving) feelings of confusion, helplessness, isolation, and loneliness for me. Finally, I had to stop hiding everything that was happening to us both, simply for either of us to be able to keep on living.

The last few years, as my wife has begun to deteriorate dramatically, even though she’s still living at home with me, and as my own health has become a bit suspect, I have found much needed support in some unexpected places—my understanding law partners, my sons, with whom I’ve never been closer; a cousin who generously and beautifully redesigned our apartment; an incredible therapist (for me) and a fantastic team of daytime aides (for my wife); and, most surprisingly of all, my former wife, who has become perhaps my best friend some 20 plus years after our divorce. I give enormous credit to all these people, who have inspired in me a resilience that I would never have believed I possessed. I am inexpressibly grateful to every one of them and to many others, as well.