Notes to Self

The 1969 Class Survey included the following question:

“If you could write a note to your 1969 self, what would it say? (50 words or less, please)”

Herewith is a small sampling of your advice to your 1969 selves…

For a small-town boy from the Texas Panhandle, you did all right, in large part because you married over your head.

Leave Yale and find a college more suited to you.  Yale is little more than a poorly understood feather in your cap.

Don’t forget to build relationships. The people in your life will turn out to be way more important than your solo achievements.

Be more cognizant of women and their feelings. Pay more attention to money. Take a few more chances on the unknown.

Think twice before speaking. Let things go. Stay skeptical.

Follow up with George Roy Hill.  Re-audition at Second City. Apply for that Yale fellowship.  Pursue those publishing leads. Stay out of Virginia.

Save some money. Be curious, ask questions, listen. You’re not as smart as you think. Keep in touch with your friends. Don’t be embarrassed by your mistakes, failures, who you are, or way you treated others.

You will be amazed at all of the wonderful and terrible experiences that life has in store for you.  Prepare and hope for the best and hang in there when tragedy strikes.

Persistence plus curiosity; the power of compound interest; listen more; be thankful; let love in.

You should have taken advantage of more opportunities that Yale had to offer.

Do what you think is best for you.  Don’t let others — parents and spouse — pressure you in any way.  Stay away from the booze. All this will help you avoid the bitterness you feel at age 70.

Choose a profession other than law.

Stop being an asshole.

Don’t gamble in the stock market – stick with index funds; truly understand what it means to be a feminist; learn to love yourself; learn to meditate and stick with it; make music in some manner; find ways to express your creativity.

I had trouble focusing on just one interest or project in 1969, and I still have trouble.  I am an unapologetic generalist, which helps explain why I have accomplished so much and so little.  Generalists don’t garner much notoriety, but they’re pleasant company.

Talk to more people at Yale; get their advice; look for guidance; don’t think that you know it all; don’t be afraid to reveal that maybe you are lost or confused.  Ask. Above all, don’t let your family direct you and convince you that you owe them and have to do what they want. Don’t be afraid to be independent.

Nothing. You have to live 50 more years for anything I might say to have any meaning.

Empathize with your parents. You are not nearly as smart as you think you are. Don’t marry so young. Take antidepressants.

Forget about mastering the voiced uvular fricative — it’s not going to happen.

Learn Spanish.

Play in traffic.  Don’t get in your own way.  Listen; then listen harder. If you work at it, you can get better, a lot better.  You don’t always get what you want. Set priorities. Don’t buy too many books.

Listen to your mother’s advice: the most important decision you will make is who you marry. Spent too much time in 1969 worrying about next job, rather than next date.

Yale is not the real world.  Get out into it.

Don’t take yourself so seriously. Pay more attention to your kids and their development at every stage. Stop smoking and drinking so much. Be completely honest with your feelings, and don’t try to be who you think others want you to be rather than who you are.

Remember how you got to Yale, chance and the kindness of others will prevail.

Yale is overrated – go somewhere else

Go for what you want and think is right, but try to avoid stupid mistakes along the way and always remember the role of birth accident, help from others, and dumb luck in what you may accomplish and that others may not have as many advantages as you.  

Lighten up: they’re all just as confused and anxious as you are.

Consider emigrating!  Things will get pretty dodgy in the US….

You will never get better cafeteria food, but go west anyway.

Look for women with sunny personalities and good parents and select, don’t settle.

Take advantage of all that Yale has to offer; you’ll not get a second chance.

Hang on, have fun—it’s going to be quite a ride. Stay true to your friends–and especially to the people you do not like.

Learn to respect other people you will meet and to be easier on them.  They aren’t all as smart as your friends at Yale.

Remember peoples’ names!

Do a better job of building personal relationships with your classmates and staying in touch with them.

Sometimes it’s better to be kind than right. Embrace compassion and avoid arrogance. Forgive yourself when you fall short, learn your lessons, and move on. Don’t be reluctant to ask for help when you need it. Above all, practice consistent self-observance and relentlessly eliminate self-deception.

You don’t walk on water because you went to Yale; the phone isn’t going to ring with someone offering you a splendid opportunity; plenty of really smart people went to colleges that you looked down upon; and you’re going to have to get humble and get going.

Go to a co-ed university

Stay out of debt.

Relax:  they are just as uncertain as you are.

Take better care of your teeth.

Take Foreign Service exam now; it’s a de facto (though not de jure) draft exemption

Fascism will come to America!  On guard!

Eat your vegetables.  

You look beautiful.  Fix your hair.

Yale was probably the most important experience of my life other than my marriage and family.

Marry well. And do marry above your station.