Thomas Igoe – 50th Reunion Essay

Thomas Igoe

157 Ridge Acres Road

Darien, CT 06820

thosigoe@gmail.com

(203) 644-5882

College: Jonathan Edwards

I have been married for over 40 years to a lovely, sensitive, kind woman named Susan. We married in the Smith College Chapel in the fall of ’74. In ’81, we had our first and only child, a boy named TJ. TJ is autistic. The next 37 years have been a challenging odyssey for us, a path traversing a thicket of medical evaluations and diagnoses, therapies, medications, schooling, training and psychiatric services, all of which have led to some version of independence for our son. TJ is now a big fellow: 6 feet 2 inches tall, weighs about 340 pounds. He is a sweet young man: verbal, curious, reasonably intelligent, humorous and, like many autistic people, sometimes volatile and violent.

Following college and law school, I practiced law in New York City, principally with one large firm. The bulk of my work was devoted to the financing of large fossil-fueled and nuclear generating plants located across the US Over time, I assumed firm leadership positions, becoming chair of Reid & Priest and its successor, Thelen Reid. In the late 2000s, I pivoted to lead a captive insurance company owned by a group of large law firms. My role involved financial oversight, defense of major malpractice claims and cultivation of enduring relationships with many of the global insurance markets.

Although these endeavors were professionally satisfying, I continue to regard the most significant experiences that have shaped my life to be:

• The day-to-day satisfaction, friendship, comfort, sharing, frustrations and mysteries associated with marriage to Susan, who is so bright, strong and patient and remains the center of our family
• The enormous challenges associated with parenting an autistic child and adult. Fundamentally, there remains very little sound knowledge about the causes and treatment of autism. We have learned to live with the facts as they are and to do what we can to enable our son to continue to progress. We have suffered extraordinary frustrations and disappointments over the years, but we have also learned to endure, to be patient, to be appreciative of small victories and to be thankful for the contributing efforts of others. And for all of TJ’s challenges, he remains and shall always be an extraordinary human being, one with an engaging sense of humor; a taste for great music, cinema and fine cuisine; a near encyclopedic memory; and an outgoing personality that engenders laughter and unconditional love
• The recovery effort associated with Hurricane Katrina. I became directly involved with the Gulfport School District, along the Mississippi Gulf Coast, following the direct hit on August 29, 2005. A 25-foot wall of water destroyed a way of life—families, homes, jobs, businesses, a distinct culture. I worked with the school district for three years to fund the reconstruction of the district’s IT network, serving 11 schools and over 6,000 students. My memories of the aftermath of Katrina are still vivid and searing. I look upon my experiences in working with some very talented and dedicated people to provide recovery assistance as among the most significant and enduring of my life.

As I look ahead, I’d like to think that I have many years left in which to continue to learn, tackle new endeavors, meet new people and make further contributions. I was moved by David Brooks’ book The Road to Character, in which David focuses, through biographical essays, not on career accomplishments but on steps taken by others to bend and mold their character toward higher moral ground. I have no illusions about my own character but am nevertheless motivated to explore some of the things that fascinated David beyond building his own résumé. In this context, I seek a deeper understanding of the autistic mind, greater empathy for the plight of others and the maintenance of a healthy sense of humility in all my endeavors and relationships.